fInAllY.. Its DOne!!
The blog is done..
i started at 2am.. now its 4.04 am..
WOw not bad yeaH...
i had to aDopT smBy's blogskin[charmaine's] <= thanks}
then post my own piX, sign up for Photobucket anD i did the words on the bottom left helf corner mySelF..
wAh learN a loT siA..
i leArN a nEw laNguaGe todAy... COMPUTER.. blah blah blah..
the onli pRob is tT my pRevious eNtriEs aRe soMe in bLacK, so iT caNt bE seEn wItH tHe baCkGrnD..
sO yOu gUys neEd to hiGhlight iT to sEe it. soRrY..
eNjoY uR stAy..
yAwNs.. gO sLeeP le..
mOrnInGz..
[shit tmL stil need to go East Coast to CYcle]
~sayinG soRrY iN aDvanCe iF i'm laTe...
7:04 PM
There shall be no highlights in this entry for this is what I truly feel.
What is love?
Throughout my 17 yrs, I can safely say I have never felt true love before.
All the girls I dated. What was it all about? I think back and I don�� understand. One after the other, I wondered even more. I was for company. I used to say,��It was a special time we had together.��
No doubt it was special but was it just an irony as a way to keep us aware and just be grateful.
Those were just empty words. Emotionless
Would any of you care if I was to sleep at the streets for a night cos I couldn�� get along with my parents?
Would you care if I was to start smoking?
Or just merely if I talked a little different on some days? Would you noticed?
As I like to diagnose myself, I am suffering from a lack of belongingness to my biological family. As a domino effect, I depend solely on my frens. Clingy to those who I feel will be my substitute to an ideal family that I wish to have.
With my gayish nature, guys will tend to find this offensive. But I pulled through. This made me think of my DNA make-up. I did not wish to be like this. I have self-hate for myself. Even I hate myself. I cant even stand my self at times. There�� always a side of me that I just want to get ride of. Since young I go to sleep thinking that the next day I wont be here. Wont even be born.
I am suicidal. Had that in my mind since sec 3. that�� rite from the 12th floor.
That�� until I found an easier to take away my own life. Carbon monoxide.
I have found my problem. I go out to this world to find somebody who would honestly care of my well being. Not when you are obligated to do so. So if you said no to all of the 3 qns I have posted then my search is still on.
If you at least said yes to one of it, that means I have given this address to the correct people.. haha..
Till the next time when I am having a day of sorrow.
PS: this came to my mind after I watched The Practice. It�� the episode where a drug dealer get evicted for Murder in the 1st degree as he blames the society his in and his parents who were not there for him.
8:31 PM
23 oct, 12 yrs ago
my brother just had to get out of my mother�� womb..
Oh ya, I woke up at 12.25 when I am supposed to meet xr & kok sin at 12.
Let�� just settle one crisis at a time.
LoL..
I bought my brother a Billabong wallet that I saved for the last 2 months or so?
Slowly keep loose change lor.
~ wrap, and snug under his bed at 5am in the morning.
I woke up and he is like,��span style="color:#ff6600;"> who buy for me wallet?��Ha-ha, I act blur. The only birthday present I hear he got this yr was ystdy whr he got $10 from my aunt that he bought Famous Amos Cookies and shared with all of us.
[Now ppl will go,��em>Aww, so sweet��
The whole family was at Orchard. I was having DB training������
Hey can say tt everyday his bdae lor. Wat he wants, mother gives.. haiz..
Last child is always pampered.
[another debateable statement][plz tag comment]
yeaH.. play tennis.. 他 of chipmunk tribe was thr.. dun noe whr our Eeyore went to..
WAT CAN BE MORE IMPORTANT THAN CHIPMUNK OUTING! So angry sia.. if u r reading this plz tag.
I��e got this program running in this blog that I can view who is reading my blog thru ur MSN email cookie.. so dun go away before u Freaking tag me!! I AM WATCHING you!
Lets not side track.
Played a few starting games, partnered with xr against the PRO: Tall[wj].
The usual, we played HORRIBLE + TERRIBLE = INCORRIGIBLE ...
haha....
Me & Xr laughed it off. Hey we��e hypering all the way. oH how I miss that.. can laugh until I got stitches. waH, either that or it was the sun banging down on us.
Never laughed so much for so long. Tt�� a sign tt more outings shld be organized..
yeaH!!!!
But as usual our PRO dun like us to play ard. So we got personalized tutorial..
*if u r reading this: Thank you..
It was fruitful but xr didn�� take it seriously..
but me veri guai, did every single exercise in the regime that was thrown to me.
Cant say I am betta in tennis now. Haha. But I got a skill for ballpicking though.. anybody wanna employ me? More than $6/hr is preferable.. haha..
Wat I��e learned:
Kok sin: is a sportsman that can play ANY sports and be good at it in no time flat! CRAZY fellow��not human de..
XR: can tok cock the most.. ha ha.. ok laH must compliment u, u really play well. With a little more guidance, u can play a decent rally without trying to make me faint by aiming the ball at ME!!
Tall: shld not be dishearten by skill. Hardwork and sweat cannot be seen but you OWE it to urself. Dun let it crush ur spirit.
go ninja-do...........
withdraw from Ninja Demonstration bcos it clash with DB training..
haiz.....
eat McDonalds and increase my hated for kids.. lol. please ask me if u dun get it.
aft tt go playground and tok..
waH kau.. hit my head on the freakin bar..
now got baluku..
For full story, u noe my number. memorise it! and u will be rewarded..
i realise, i have a fetish for fingers and feets.. lol
I CARE FOR MY JULIA!!!!
2:30 PM
I am damn shag!!!
I just finish work at Conrad Hotel..
Damn freaking shag..
Ok ok, I think you get the point..
Labour price: $6/hr
Start time: 5pm
End time: 1.30 am
Break time: 7pm ��7.30pm
��������
Total payable: 8hr x $6 = $48
Not bad for 1st day.. food provided some more. FREE FLOW.. like buffet.
But SFI standard.. its healthy so its perfect.. had chicken rice, fried fish burger, tau fu and fish cake..
Took the drink, coke lite.. then I taste: pui!!!!
Lol, need to manually add ur own carbonated water���Sehz��
Ate with all the mat and minahs (typical malay-tight-jeans-wearing)
So I interacted a bit. There goes my slang here and there.
It was ironically pleasurable. For so long I yearn to speak freely.. lol
TO CELEBRATE THE LOVE OF CARL & KERINA:
~I had to serve Table 8 [so auspicious]
I had to learn as I serve with the Asst.Director [Mark] beside me.. stress��
Steps to becoming a Banquet Server
1) Greet and place napkin on guest�� lap
2) Ask for drinks. Coke, Pepsi, Beer or Red wine
3) Presentation of 1st course
4) Take correct utensils and plates for the course
5) Give the appropriate portion or food to each guest
6) Endure this for 4 hrs without sitting down
7) Oh ya, try not to get *fucked by the manager
--- if 7) is not satisfied, 1 or more hr(s) pay is deducted.
*A violent word for not getting scolded.
I partnered with this
China Girl: Jessica Wang
Worked there veri long le. So veri pro. Cannot say the same bout her English lol..
have diffi in understandin her.
Most of the time i'm saying,"huh?huh?"
i dun noe, but i can hear a little sarcasrm in her tone.. or maybe its jus her accent.. haha..
cute though, gonna get to noe her more. Thr's sth bout China girls. its so intriging.. hehe..
MOst Memorable Moment:
rmbr Step 1? i had to say this to the 12 guests in my table,
" Hello, welcome to Conrad Hotel Centennial. I am Ahmad, your server for this evening.
And this your 1st course:
A combination platter consisting of BBQ Suckling Pig, Smoked Duck, Shrimp in Wanton skin and Steamed Jellyfish. I'll portion this out and serve it to you shortly."
Guests said: Looks lovely!
I thought: I'm gonna throw up
k peace out..
6:30 PM
Behind These Hazel Eyes
Kelly Clarkson
Seems like just yesterday
You were a part of me
I used to stand so tall
I used to be so strong
Your arms around me tight
Everything, it felt so right
Unbreakable, like nothin' could go wrong
Now I can't breathe
No, I can't sleep
I'm barely hanging on
Chorus:
Here I am, once again
I'm torn into pieces
Can't deny it, can't pretend
Just thought you were the one
Broken up, deep inside
But you won't get to see the tears I cry
Behind these hazel eyes
I told you everything
Opened up and let you in
You made me feel alright
For once in my life
Now all that's left of me
Is what I pretend to be
So together, but so broken up inside
'Cause I can't breathe
No, I can't sleep
I'm barely hangin' on
[Chorus]
Swallow me then spit me out
For hating you, I blame myself
Seeing you it kills me now
No, I don't cry on the outside
Anymore...
[Chorus]2x
1:29 AM
Chipmunk reunite..
Haha.. it was nice.. we are like always. Bullying XR [piglet].. haha, guess kok sin could just listen and�����do nothing.. haha.
Kok sin is a good chap. Can say that today he style his hair until very nice before meeting us. From his photo his hair is like chin chai but today, WAH!!!.. LOL.
1st impression: Some one u can bring home and show to your parents.
He SHOOK my hand when I came. Wah, I feel so wei da sia.. [correct or not?]
Erm, I was late.. lol. **sorry guys
Sorry I didn�� tok much to him today. But can say that we know each other like tt..
[thanks to XR..............................................]
But dun noe what to say lei.. nVm, still got other times.
Then the rest start to tok cock. Haha.. eventhough its all casual stuff, I felt it was so damn kEwL!!! All the jokes, we laughed at the same time. We know what each other was toking about. [well maybe xr is an exception]
Things I learned today:
Xr [Piglet] is now exposed to intellectual jokes and just sounds more become cleverer. But yes she is cleverer. Haha
Wj [Tigger] will hang out with a group of girls and bitch about everything under the sun. haha. It�� a new trick or sth. I just noe it. I��e got to learn from the man himself. Next ihing you noe, he��l make one of them his girlfriend. Haha. If it works tell me!!!!
Jy [Eeyore] has EXCELLENT nail-painting skills. I shall remove and apply the nail polish again until it looks perfect & freakingly gothic.
Too bad, I couldn�� find a masterpiece at Harbourfront to take a photo with the cHiPmUnK gang.. oh ya, and nobody brought camera.. well there�� always next time. Right??
Erm, we picked Julia up and went Ninja-do.. Oh ya, my nails are now black. So damn COOL!! Its not freaky.. just look at Gackt or Hyde..
woAh..
showing emotion shows that you are human
at least i know that you are real & not just fantasy
Maxwell, Christien(1988-2010)
4:54 PM
SAVA Sprint 2005 Day 1.
Venue: Bedok Reservoir
How to get there: 53 mins>MRT, 12 mins> Bus 22
Today NGEE ANN Dragon Boat Team didn�� do as well as what Oliver [Captain] expected.
When I came, the heats for the Mixed Team A and Ladies Team A got 2nd. So we qualify.
The Men�� Team A got 3rd and Team B got 4th [I think]
So only the A Team qualifies.
We did not qualify for the Men�� Cup though. This cup is where international teams compete. Teams like German Dragons, Okinawa Team, Phyrox [team from Philippines], Exxon Mobile and the mighty Singapore Commando.
They are freaky people man! Can really see they can realllly row..
I watched the races and was Chief photographer.. lol .. but also not my camera.. see if I can get some photos and upload a few pictures..
The Ladies team got 1st!!! waH.. ~erm, after the defending champion NTU was disqualified for false start.. haha..
But really must give them credit for working so hard..
I still remember, one of the training, they ran like 40 rounds round the track. Tt�� like 16 km!!
So they got their medal and trophy. During our prize presentation that I know all of the girls��names.. hMMm.. all of them look the same sia.. haha. Tanned body with slightly muscular arms..
The Men�� team won some races but no medals or trophies. Wow. And that made Oliver break into tears. I was so damned shocked laH.. He just crushed the file that he was holding on.. The clip broke off.. That�� a man who worked so hard for the team and I can say I can never feel how he felt that time.
Respect Man!!!
plZ be home and safe away from the root of evil
k peace out..
5:25 PM
I am alive!!! HAHA��I didn�� turn up for work.. last minute, I told
Cindy [my hypocrite supervisor] that I not coming to work.
waH her voice can hear that she damn piss off..
That was GREAT!!! Haha.. starting to hate work le..
NO..
I must endure thru. I didn�� get the $5.50 job though.. Cos need to work minimum 4 days. And I cant due to Dragon Boat training..
I just love Dragon Boat and I am proud to be a rower.
Today was the day Missy Wen came to visit me cos I am sick.
She had her usual green Esprit t-shirt and her Germany-made slippers. Not going to eat those apples she brought for me. I�� gonna frame them or put it in a glass display.
Haha. You should have seen me cleaning up the house like mad. Haha. [wasn�� that sick]��/span>
She was from work. A clerk in IAC [the place whr u make ur IC]
When I hear her coming in the house I just pretended to be sick.. lol.. she just sat at the stool beside me.. then I sit up straight lor.. start to tok cock lor.
Then my kpo brother came in the room to give her a drink. [checking her out also]��
She damn courteous sia.. offered to me 1st.. I said,��I�� fasting!��/span>
LMHO = Laughing My Head Off..
Then I gave her, her jeans. [ the real reason she is here] lol..
How I have her jeans is another story.
Ask me if u wan to noe..
I ask her to eat dinner cos going to break fast le.. at 7..
She decline, cos her mother at home got cook le..
Its either that or she saw what my mother cook.
Sambal Prawn With Pigeon Egg.
Fish Head Curry.
Some Fried Stuff.
I think she scared to eat lor.. so spicy and heaty..
Chinese are just scared of hot and spicy stuff..
I dun noe y lei.. anybody wanna comment on this??
Also got vegetable with sticky sauce which I ate with rice.
Never the less, today was a good day. Just taken my Clarinase and ready to go sleep.
Tml is another fasting day. A step to religiousness and serenity with oneself..
cHrIs��Peace out..
2:35 AM
hey world, i guess this is the end of sinning period. today was kewL..
nO regrets. for a month i am an angel.
not driven by lust or temptation no more.
i shall need to be stronger to continue my DB training. nO sweat as long as i have my mOtiVatiOn...
you noe who you are..
tml,going to work an 11 hr shfit.. tt's the 1st hurdle to cross..
i'l update tml to see if iam still alive..
4:23 PM
Hey, I am back.. misss me?? Ha ha..
I am a changed man now��I guess my plan didn�� work.. ~sad sia~
After a long break, I finally found the wireless connection again.. lol.
I am now just slacking at my home, going for training and working my ass off at Haagen-Dazs.. fUcK the low pay. Cheap labour!!
But I love this lufe.. a month to go and I shall enjoy every single minute of it
Today was Ninjado training.. I ��e got my headband [made me look kiddy sia] *ching=money flying away*
Lets just say its for the fashion.. [pui!!]
Strange training today. I really get to see that I am such a great hugger.. REALLY.. NO KIDDING. Well my NYP DB counterpart[orange belt-er] was not able to break thru my hug. The test was to break free from an opponent who was grabbing us[so that we dun get stab to death by your enemy]
I��e got only 49hours more to sin all I want��^^^hmm, wat can I do? Wat can I do?^^^
Signing off..
Ps: skip ur 1st day of sch!!!! Lol..
6:40 PM